"My Words Have Power"
Almost 30 and Celibate
by: Nicole Kim Phillips
The only thing my Mother feared more than teen pregnancy was having an aging daughter, moving close to 30, who was unmarried. It was the reason I was always hesitant about going home. Hearing her ease into the conversation about love and marriage over the phone was enough, but being in the room and sitting through what I called a Put a Ring On It Lecture was too much. Let me look at you is how she would start the welcome interaction, giving me a big hug and a look over. Then, she would say, "baby you look like you are taking good care of yourself. Are you dating anyone? This is usually when the conversation shift happened, and I felt compelled to tell her I was in a serious relationship. I did not have to have a wedding date or an engagement ring. However, going into that dialog would end with me promising to bring him home to meet her. I had been down that road and tunneled into unending phone calls and messages hearing her demanding, "Let me speak to my Son In Law! If I had to tell her that her pretend Son In Law was unavailable because we were on a break again, I knew her suspicions would rise. The best thing was to just tell her the truth. How she responded to knowing I was practicing self control was not what bothered me. It was knowing that I was practicing celibacy, as a part of a group that made me wonder how she would react. Then, the shock factor is, I had slipped up and had casual sex with my ex-boyfriend.
Not that I was ashamed of giving in to my moment of weakness, I just understood how that bit of passionate information could and would be used by my Mama to create a necessity for urgency, in the form of wedding bells, wedding cake and the whole shabang. Not to mention having to sit through The Put A Ring On It Lecture. No, she did not have to know about what went on in my love life. What I did with my clothes off was none of her business, so a combination of other things made me keep what happened between my ex and I quiet. Surely, she would ease up with her wedding vow hopes, if she believed I was doing something to become a better human with improved character. The other Celibacy Group Members were a great source of support, but I did not want any of them to know about me making a rump connection with an old flame either. We had each other on speed dial, so I could expect a call at any time. I did not share my travel plans with any of the group members. Therefore, the trip would be up for discussion as soon as we started talking. A happy diversion from the passion memories that I tried to leave in my bed. Overall, my concerns rested more on handling and reassuring mama, than confirming my ability to stay the course and maintain a celibate lifestyle. My mind was calm before I said, "I'm in a Celibacy Group and yes that means I am abstaining from having sexual intercourse. My Mama looked at me with confusion on her face and said, "I'm not sure why you are"...
1. As people progress from mid-life through old age, those who stay single feel happier and happier with their lives. As I discussed previously, a study of 40- to 85-year-olds showed that lifelong single people became increasingly satisfied with their lives as they grew older. The results for the people with romantic partners were not so straightforward.
I am an Author of a Children's Book entitled: "Visiting Granny In Mississippi" (Read my Book Summary)