"My Words Have Power"

After The Hospital Visit

by: Nicole Kim Phillips

My middle finger hit the number one, after I entered the elevator, and I felt relief.  I had showed Clarence I cared and assured him where I stood concerning being there for people who are a part of my life.  I did hold onto some resentment because of his relationship with my husband Shawn, but I still had a lot of love inside of me too.  Bitterness will never overtake me is what I have to tell myself everyday, when it comes to Shawn.  Sticking with that mentality has only steered me in the right direction so far.  My office is the place I reteat to, when I need to clear my head.  The vibe of what I was thinking about found me sitting there in the parking lot frozen with my hands on the wheel.  How would I respond; what would I do, when Shawn arrived home, wanting to be intimate with me?  I was sure the frustration between us, would escalate to a point where, he slept in the guest room, again.  

I laughed, when I thought about how I stuffed the mini duffle bag, I  brought to Clarence, with tee shirts and briefs, a robe, and slippers from the guest room.  He would not find those comforts there this time.  When he came into the room to get a few things before he showered, I was going to make sure, I was wearing my purple silk nightgown. When I wore it and he touched me, his caress always glided ever so gently over my body.  Making him remember, would be punishment enough, and I laughed out loud while still holding onto the steering wheel. No matter how much Shawn traveled or what we went through, my memories of the life we have shared together means the world to me.  The memories are what keep me locked in, more than a wedding band ever could.  The dilemma I was facing with intimacy had to do with something I had experienced, and I did not want to let it go. I remembered, how his body was on top of mine, the questions he whispered to me gently.  OMG, I wanted to cry because I could not... 

I am an Author of a Children's Book entitled: "Visiting Granny In Mississippi" (Read my Book Summary)